Lately, my mind has been stacking up lists of things I will miss and not miss about Scotland. I will not miss the pink and black mold that creeps up often, the separate taps for hot and cold water, or drying my towels for (literally) 9 hours. Nor will I miss nearly running into people around the stone wall corners. I’m undecided about whether or not I will miss having to vault my whole body against the (sticky) front door to open it, because having to explain something about your home makes it seem more yours, endeared.But I will miss our garden, the squeaky birds that alight here, and the morning light piling over the walls. I will miss finding golfballs and seashells, feathers and pods in our soil. I will miss the old men in tweed suits and hats who shuffle through the town holding their wives’ arms, the coffeeshops with wooden tables, the cobbled roads, the secret gardens. I will miss the late afternoon sun, because it is golden to the point of wanting to name a new colour after it.

I will miss the light skimming the top of our wall as the sound of waves diminishes in the afternoon, and the world hushes.I’ll miss the crisp shadows on the stone canvases.

I will miss being in a university town, in many ways, where ideas (even if ridiculous) seem vital, and in which poetry isn’t a weird conversation topic. In that vein, StAnza, Scotland’s international poetry festival, will be held in town next week. I’ve guestblogged about it on the Visit St Andrews blog, and if you fancy a wee glance at my preview check out my article here.

Someday I will miss it, because I love it so much now. But now, I will keep loving it.

Today I was in much need of a jaunt about town without time bookends, and so I went to the bookshop, and just looked, walked up and down and revisited books I was considering. I decided to buy three different books and then changed my mind at least three times. But I ended up with a real novel, the first I’ve read in ages. Tomorrow I will sit on the couch with the lamp hovering over me, with a cup of magenta elderflower tea, and a book. And all shall be well, in that calm instant with the light coming over the stone wall, for now being luxuriated in, not missed.

14 Responses to Calm

  1. I love all the moss!

  2. Gorgeous Scottish images ~ you capture the atmosphere so well, in picture and in word :D

  3. These photos are gorgeous…lovely post.

  4. Even though you’ll be leaving, you’ve captured it so beautifully in your photos and memories and those will last a lifetime! BTW – just saw your wedding pics on your wedding photographer’s site…gorgeous!! You were BEAUTIFUL bride and the love between you in palpable :)

  5. As I was peeking through Sonja’s blog (homecooking with Sonja) I noticed that today was her communal Global link up. I always like to nose through some of the links but I never link up, my photography is no good. I couldn’t believe it when I read yor post, before you even mentioned where you lived, I knew it was St Andrews. Just a few miles from me! I have never come across anyone who blogs from around here. You have captured some beautiful pictures xx

  6. Beautiful photos. love the one with the tree and the moss!

  7. It sounds absolutely perfect! I love that you will be able to look back on this adventure in your life with so much fondness! Pushing a door open with your full body weight is pretty special : )

  8. Wow… you have captured so much beauty. And your post is full of wonderful memories! Beautiful post!

  9. What a lovely, lovely post. I love the wistfulness, the beauty you painted with your words. Lovely pictures, too. =)

  10. “But now, I will keep loving it.” Same here, sister.

  11. alie, maybe i’m confused about your relationship with scotland, but i guess i assumed you were living there indefinitely. are you moving some time soon?? are you moving back to the states?? i don’t mean to pry… just curious and love your blog :)

    • Oh, no, we move back to America this summer. We’ll have been here a combined 6 years, so it’s time;). Thanks for the note!

  12. One thing that is for certain is that you will be bonded to Scotland forever for being your very first home together as Mr. and Mrs. Angell. Similar to the feeling you get when you say your “first date’ was going to see the Scottish Chamber Orchestra. Forever your first!!!!!!!

  13. “I will miss the old men in tweed suits and hats who shuffle through the town holding their young wives’ arms” Nope, you’ll still have to put up with seeing me occasionally.

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