I've been thinking a lot about hearts these days. On Friday, a technician in a white coat saw through my skin to watch mine, while I heard it in that thick, underwater sound of sonograms.
It's been a couple of tiring months with lots of tests and few answers, but through it all, there is a steadiness and hope: I am loved. And in love, there's no room for fear.
Last month (whoa, this post is late-o!) we celebrated our 4th Valentines. Year 1 we were across an ocean but he sent a big bouquet with two little cards (the best part). In Scotland, there was a post-it Valentine, and last year I had the flu, but he brought me my favorite: a bundle of soft, white tulips (and a purse I use every day).
This year was the best yet. I opened to door and he was home early with a huge white, tender bouquet that felt very New York because it was very tall. He got me cheese from my favorite cheese shop, and a card from my favorite stationer, and tickets to see the Philharmonic play Beethoven. We walked home later from dinner at my favorite restaurant in a light mist and he had to hold me up because I had a migraine. There was so much pain, but I couldn't stop smiling.
Walk, you show me daily that love is a fixed mark that is never shaken. As every day, I love you more today.